I don’t really know what to do with this, but I felt an urge to write about this topic at 10:41 pm tonight! As I said and will repeat quite often, this blog is a way for me to express myself. A therapy ? Why not, but to what? I won’t say that I suffered a lot, that I struggled with loads of demons earlier on or even now. I have the chance to be surrounded by some amazing people, supporting what I do and staying with me when I feel low. Since I started to live a life on my own, to live alone in a new city and to choose who I want to be surrounded with, I can’t express how better I feel. But even though I literally have nothing to complain about, I sometimes felt bad. Really bad. I won’t use the term of “depression” because I think that depression is way more serious than what I experienced. Anyway ! During this low times, I felt empty and most of all “ugly”. I was scrolling through my Instagram and seeing people travelling, having fun, girls looking absolutely gorgeous with amazing body and hair, men looking overly cute and so on… made me sad. I was living a life that wasn’t complete. But, what is a complete life ? Having fun 24/7 ? Is that even human ? I don’t think so. That’s the moment where I realised. Why ? Why are we doing this to ourselves? “Ourselves”? Yes, because I’m not the only one thinking that I’m not skinny enough, pretty enough, clever enough or even happy enough.
Now we will try something together, ok? Take a piece of paper, go on! Now take a pen, your least favourite one, the most broken of all and write what you hate about yourself. Long or short list, it doesn’t matter. Look at it. Stare at it with your dead empty eyes. I’ll share mine with you ! I hate my thighs, they’re thick and ugly. Also my arms and my tummy, fat and not muscular at all. Hmm… My forehead is quite big though, I don’t like it either and my eyes are not exactly the same shape! Finally my feet are also way too big to be feminine ! About my personality ? I’m moody, I talk way too much and I’m awfully curious. Glorious, isn’t it? Haha okay, now take another piece of paper and this time, your favourite pen! For each one of your “flaw” you will write why you should be proud of it instead! I will do this with you again, I won’t let you down. I’m proud of my fat thighs because when I’m seated and drop my phone, they catch it! Seriously, not having a thigh gap saved my life so many times and allows me to keep things if my hands are taken. The extra fat I have keep me warm in winter and make extra space to cuddle! About my forehead… I will say that I have so many facial expressions that having a bit more space available isn’t a bad thing! Even if I don’t like the shape of my eyes, they’re mine and I love their colour and the way I do my makeup. I have big feet and? I can make bigger steps than some of my friends and therefore walk quicker, who cares about how feminine they look ! My mood swings allow me to feel more emotions at a time than other people will. My ability to talk about everything for hours is a gift to fill the conversations with random facts and avoid awkward silences. Finally, my curiosity allows me to learn more about people and gather so many useful (sometimes not) information about life !
Was it hard? It was for me, but now I feel so proud of myself! I hope you do too (feel proud of yourself, I don’t mind you being proud of me, but focus on you, will you?) If not, read what follows, this is for you.
Have you ever thought about the beauty of a flower or a snowflake? What about a drawing or a cute house ? Do you realize that they are absolutely not alike ? You find it ok for objects to be different and beautiful, but why not you ? You may look nothing like the girl or the boy you find “Soooo pretty/handsome !”, but you are in your own way. You are a treasure, something unique and important. Boy or girl. Black, white, yellow, grey, purple, blue… Straight, gay, asexual, aromantic, agender, bisexual, demisexual, polyamorous or whatever. Hippie, gothic, punk, hipster or any other style. Old or young. Just you. You are what you are and you will live with yourself longer than with any other person on earth. So why don’t you try to love yourself? Or at least, don’t hate yourself. You need rain to enjoy sun, you need heat to enjoy cold. You need your flaws to remind you of your qualities. You are not worthless. Just because our fucking society tells you that you’re shit if you don’t conform to its sick “standards” doesn’t mean that you are. Stop comparing yourself to other. No one, and I mean this, literally NO ONE is perfect. You just focus on their qualities more than on their flaws. Now breathe in, breathe out, relax and embrace who you are. Find something you’re good at and enjoy ! It can be anything! Telling stories to your friends, making someone laugh, baking a cake, doing maths, writing a song, sleeping, anything! Celebrate yourself, celebrate who you are, your uniqueness. Live happily with yourself and shout a big “fuck you” to standards. Men can cry or wear makeup or be afraid. Women can be strong or courageous or whatever they fucking want. Wear what you want, kiss who you want, do what you want, hang out with who you want, you’ll always be criticized and? Show them how happy you are by doing the things you love even more. (Maybe killing people is not very advised, but hey ! Who am I to judge!) On a more serious note, be respectful with yourself and the people around you. It’s a hard work to erase hate, but one step at a time, we’ll live happier than ever. Spread love around you. I love you.